reminisce

the leaves in Gif should have fallen by now..

an acts of kindness

The bus driver stops the bus away from the bus stop for an old lady to board. I didn't know why this stayed with me throughout the afternoon. Perhaps I have a soft spot when I see old people who needs help. It disturbs me to see old people collecting empty cans and cardboard to earn a living. It makes my life of material seems unfitting. I who grew up poor and spent my whole life climbing the meritocratic ladder am now starting to let material become the main derivative of joy. Every time I see these elderly, I feel ashamed of materialistically driven goals. Let them not become bad things, the money that I will earn I will pledge them back to help the elderly. Social Responsibility. All these thoughts because of a kind bus driver. I'm still a poor student, so its all just talk now.

old age is supposed to be golden. maybe i should join social work. or politics.

exams

exams are round the corner. Counting down to my last 4 exams before I graduate, I feel like an experienced battle weary warrior. There is no rush in the preparation, no slowing down in pace and no emotional weight. Now i'm wondering how much work do you have to put in to get a B?

Zen. 4 Bs are all i need now. ftw!

i pray

"I thank God
for the many free dinners in the week to come.
May they serve as catalysts and
feast upon their own positive energies
to generate a bountiful harvest
of more free dinners
everyday throughout the year
and for the years to come." -cj

you reading this?

poems

Just logged in to check my poems account.

woot! huat ah!

should i

I have developed a penchant for testing waters. I'm not a born anti institutionalist, but that trait probably developed after I was in France. Big establishments have a need for order, which is why they have so many protocols and rules in place. These rules are part of a intricate woodwork which has been fine tuned over years. They regulate every gears and clogs of the institution. I admit that there is a need for them. However, there is also a need for exceptions. Being part of a big institution, sometimes I felt neglected by it. Their push for internationalism make them blind sighted to their own reckless in their collaboration. Students like us who are caught by this recklessness can either strangle ourselves using their red tapes or we can try to break the rules.

So many times, I find myself testing the system. I am not dissatisfied with where I am. In fact, the current status quo isn't too bad if I compare myself to some of my peers. But research may not be my cup of tea and i am not going to let protocols and rules to limit my potential to explore my options. Let see how much leeway is the institution is going to concede this time. If it does not drown me, then I get to live another day to test more water.

I sent in my applications.

fireflies

I sat in my cubicle; staring at the moniter. The output of the simulations was running up and down my screen like some screen saver that had gone crazy. I wonder if the prolonged staring at these black and white flickering will trigger some sort of epileptic fit or acute muscle spasm (You know like how flashes of light or strong glaring spotlights can sometimes cause people to have chemical imbalance and to go into convulsion). I hope it does not happen to me. I who spend most of my awake hours in front of the computer certainly do not want that as a occupational hazard. I peeled my tired eyes away from the screen and took a glance around the lab. The whole place was dark and quiet and I was starting to feel a little self conscious. Sitting in the only lighted cubicle in the dark lab, I feel like a theater star on a dark stage under a spotlight. Maybe I should just jump onto the table and start singing. I mused at a thought for a while and dropped it almost immediately. I still had work to do and went back to staring at my scrolling screen.

Suddenly, the lights in the whole lab came on! The room was filled with the song Firefly by Owl City and the florescence lights start to flicker on and off. The whole lab's lighting was synchronized to the beat of the song. Then nearing the end of the opening tune right when the words are about to be sang, my lab mates began pouring into the lab from both doors. Grooving and dancing to the rhythm of the song, they sang,"You would not believe your eyes if 10 million fireflies lit up the whole when you sleep.... " Mesmerized, I sat up. I have a flash mob style dancing in my own lab! (Similar to the one at Raffles City last month). Then, the printer started printing, the model helicopters started hovering and the mechanical arm inside the safety box started waving.

I must be hallucinating.

I blinked. Suddenly, there were no dancing researchers. No tune in the air. No waving mechanical arm. No disco like lights. I was alone again in my lighted cubicle. I surmised. I can suggest a new interrogation technique to the police; make suspects stare at my simulation outputs. Within hours they will hallucinate and pour out every dark secrets. Huh. I do better pack and go home now. You know you are working too hard when you see dancing researchers. Dammit, I becoming like Ally Mcbeal with her dancing baby.

Wogashaka wogashaka.