next

For people who are feeling disgruntled about life giving you lemons despite the hard work you have put in, next up I have a personal experience and some words of wisdom. Now I have to get back to studying. erhm.. similarity transform.. oh.. transpose of the adjunct of a matrix.. and.. servo control..

I can now flip matrices as well as those prata enciks can flip their pratas.

the day before market opens

Lately, I have been preoccupied with a lot of miscellaneous activities. Take this weekend for example. Amidst preparing for exams, I found myself going out for short runs, reading research papers on portfolio selection and optimization, reading The World is Flat (i know i am taking damn long to finish this book), reading analysis on the effects of Dubai World's announcement, wondering if i should sell my stocks, watching youtube videos 天龙八部，coding sensitivity analysis test on Matlab, playing on my forex platform, googling on the history of Malacca for my Dec weekend trip, reading up on estimation of distribution algorithms, looking for chalets in January and begging eunice to let me take some pictures at the studio she rented, editing my fyp technical paper and going for super long dinners. You can figure out for yourself how much time I have left to study for my exams. Hey that large cup of Coffee Bean coffee which was suppose to keep me up all night studying didn't work man. I reached home and I slept like a pig.

come monday. my trading friends will be having a very busy day. bonne chance.

saddened

Mindanao Island massacre was something so brutal that I cannot imagine it happening in our civilized world. Among the 57 victims were women and journalists who were covering the Philippines election. Some of the victims were even innocent passers by who witnessed the abduction and murders. Apparently more than 50 people participated in this appalling barbaric killing. According to AFP, a 'Philippine politician has been charged with mass murder on Friday after authorities accused him of ordering soldiers, police and other gunmen to kill in an organized slaughter'. What were they thinking, such disregard for human lives. sigh. I am at a loss for words.

I pray for the victims and the family of the victims.

21

Finally a photo and it's not taken by me. There. A photo for my birthday.

"25 on 21"-cj

Thanks peihao!

mystery of the dead rat

"I saw a dead rat on my way home; lying in the front of the letter boxes with its tongue sticking out. I remembered myself having the same expression after the marathon. It swiftly led to a series of questions. How did the rat die? Was it killed? if so who's the killer? how did it end up in front of the letter boxes? Is the tongue a sign that that it was suffocated? I surveyed the surroundings for signs of a struggle. There were no obvious blood stains; not even a piece of advertisement strewn in front of the letter boxes. Someone must have cleaned up the crime scene.

The carcass laid normal. There were no obvious bruising, no awkwardly shaped skeletal deformity and no signs of foul play. Though after preliminary examination I was not able to rule out an unnatural death, i was sure that no decent rat with any pride or dignity will crawl all the way to the letter boxes just to die there. There must be something that I was not seeing. Was it there a movement in the shadow at the stairwell? Was the killer lurking in the dark and observing?

I smell a rat. a dead rat."

I mused at how these scenarios that flowed out out my mind was actually triggered by a dead rat. Maybe I have an inner melodramatist. Or maybe it reminded me of a book : The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time.

I shall call this imaginative story telling - deviant writing.

to all

with love..

25

Looking at present. Je suis en pleine forme. I have never feel better about myself than right now. I am getting somewhere in my life and have reached a level of sophistication in my attitude and my thinking. I found purpose and motivation. Family and friends are all doing well. I can never thank you enough for your support, kinship and friendship. I thank all of you for the week of gastronomical delights and the time we shared. Everyone of you; even those whom I haven't been keeping in contact. I remember every conversation..

"Sergeant Choo if you cannot do your duty I will ask Medic Chia to become your guard commander." siaz..

"You are too short to be my tango partner. In Argentina Tango, we are suppose to lean on each other to form an 'A' shape, but together we form a right angle triangle.." oops

"Mr KhooKY is psycho." no comments

"Does Dalai Lama live in Dubai?" ahem..

"Will Singapore float away from Malaysia if we destroy the causeway?" No, honey. we have a second link now, we need to break both.

"You are so fa****rked up, that if I were your father. That night with your mother, I should have gotten drunk and j*rk off into the toilet bowl. For all the shit you are giving me, you deserve a swim with the sh*t. Fa****rking hell. Chia don't fa***rking laugh when I am fa****rking Moses." yes RSM, but you are so funny.

"Ronaldinho looks so cute." no comments.

"Guan you talking to your runner or your bookie?" oh that's your father. =d

"I want you to take a photo of the Pisa tower like this. it will look more tilted." But your horizon is also tilted..

"MacRitchie run next week?" sure thing.

"Boy, who are you going out with until so late at night?" hussssh mum. secret. 不能说的秘密。

"You sent him a x'mas card and you never send me any x'mas card lo." (a year later) be patient honey, its on its way.

"If you like her, go after her. Doesn't matter that she is attached." I know I have a morally grey area, but this is just wrong.

"Junyong don't study so much." I can't help it, I'm just good at it.

"It is not going to happen." sigh..

"Do not hold your stick flat to the ground!"

"Eh do you know hj is attached." tell me more gossip girl.

"Her voice is so high pitch.. only the dogs can hear her cry." nickel.

"Rendezvous in Berlin?" how bout on x'mas eve?

"dari kiri cepat jalan!" left, left, left... right.

"Don't worry mum, if I get a french gf. I will make sure she knows how to speak Hokkien." can do?

my life's like wine, gets better with age and intoxicates everyone around me. hope I had made a difference in your lives too. off to my last rdv before exams.

the thing about cool..

He speaks my mind. The following blog entry was taken off MetroDad. He wrote...

"I have never been cool.

Trust me when I say it was never for a lack of trying.

At various stages in my life, I worked so hard on feigning coolness that I'm surprised I didn't have an aneurysm. How many hours were spent trying on a variety of guises to find one that fit, I'll never know. From preppy jock to disaffected loner, I probably tried on more "costumes" than Mariah Carey in concert on Halloween night at The Flamingo.

I'm not going to be too harsh on myself. I've come to realize that much of this past posturing was due to the vagaries of youth, insecurity and a desperate need for acceptance.

Sounds so fucking emo, doesn't it?

These days, I simply don't care enough to give a shit about my relative coolness. I've become a firm believer that the pretense of cool is a facade best left to others. Acceptance of this fact has been very liberating.

I was thinking about this on Saturday night while with some friends at one of NYC's hippest nightspots. As I casually observed the 20-something faux hipster in skinny jeans with a pierced eyelid and dust bunny on his chin, and the slinky anorexic Russian model dancing on the table in her pajamas, I suddenly realized that I was the coolest guy in the room.

Then I caught the eye of a Puerto Rican busboy staring at me with a look of disdain, obviously wondering what kind of douchebag loser pays $22 for a watered-down cocktail.

Like they say, perspective is a bitch.

As I've gotten older, I've come to believe that the only truly cool people left are those who go out of their way to help others, those who are always respectful of differing opinions, and those who never take themselves too seriously. At the end of the day, it's always best to be honest and true to yourself.

Unless, of course, you're an asshole.

In all seriousness, one thing I've learned in my short stint as a father, it's that parenting and coolness should be diametrically opposed. Cool is just simply not a legitimate child-rearing paradigm. Just as I would never want to be considered the Peanut's best friend, I would also never want to be known as "the cool dad."

Kids need love and support and a million other things that have nothing to do with being cool. Like most parents, I'm just trying to raise my daughter to be a smart, polite, sensitive, caring person with her own identity.

At the same time, I realize that being a kid these days is tough. As parents, we're all guilty of taking parenting so seriously that we've removed the elements of fun that should be an important part of every kid's childhood. We worry so much about food, vaccines, schools, sleep, homework, after-school activities---is it any wonder that kids are so stressed out these days? Let's maybe cut them a little slack.

Let's also not forget that being silly, stupid and uncool with one's kid is possibly the most fun ever.

The Peanut and I spend a lot of time together simply being goofy. We hold hands and skip down the street while singing absurdly stupid songs that we've made up. We go to street fairs, eat candy apples and get our faces painted as lions. If we're walking outside and hear some music, we'll have a silly dance contest. And sometimes, we'll put on these absurd costumes just to go to the grocery store for a carton of milk.

My point is that whether you're young or old, single or married, childless or not---there's one important thing that you should always try to remember.

Cool is for suckers."

I concur.

random notes

my mind is in a state of organized clutters.

1. there has been a lack of photos on my blog recently.I have been neglecting my camera and my a photo a day mission.
2. 23.07
3. i am becoming a youtube junkie.
4. k - i read your blog.
5. i cannot write non stop for 3hrs anymore. my fingers are no longer accustomed to holding a pen.
6. my mum's cataract removal operation went so well that it corrected her shortsightedness too. she no longer has to wear specs.
7. suntec at 530pm tml.
8. academic journals are becoming more interesting than comics.
9. banana chocolate cake please.

all random.

reminisce

the leaves in Gif should have fallen by now..

an acts of kindness

The bus driver stops the bus away from the bus stop for an old lady to board. I didn't know why this stayed with me throughout the afternoon. Perhaps I have a soft spot when I see old people who needs help. It disturbs me to see old people collecting empty cans and cardboard to earn a living. It makes my life of material seems unfitting. I who grew up poor and spent my whole life climbing the meritocratic ladder am now starting to let material become the main derivative of joy. Every time I see these elderly, I feel ashamed of materialistically driven goals. Let them not become bad things, the money that I will earn I will pledge them back to help the elderly. Social Responsibility. All these thoughts because of a kind bus driver. I'm still a poor student, so its all just talk now.

old age is supposed to be golden. maybe i should join social work. or politics.

exams

exams are round the corner. Counting down to my last 4 exams before I graduate, I feel like an experienced battle weary warrior. There is no rush in the preparation, no slowing down in pace and no emotional weight. Now i'm wondering how much work do you have to put in to get a B?

Zen. 4 Bs are all i need now. ftw!

i pray

"I thank God
for the many free dinners in the week to come.
May they serve as catalysts and
feast upon their own positive energies
to generate a bountiful harvest
of more free dinners
everyday throughout the year
and for the years to come." -cj

you reading this?

poems

Just logged in to check my poems account.

woot! huat ah!

should i

I have developed a penchant for testing waters. I'm not a born anti institutionalist, but that trait probably developed after I was in France. Big establishments have a need for order, which is why they have so many protocols and rules in place. These rules are part of a intricate woodwork which has been fine tuned over years. They regulate every gears and clogs of the institution. I admit that there is a need for them. However, there is also a need for exceptions. Being part of a big institution, sometimes I felt neglected by it. Their push for internationalism make them blind sighted to their own reckless in their collaboration. Students like us who are caught by this recklessness can either strangle ourselves using their red tapes or we can try to break the rules.

So many times, I find myself testing the system. I am not dissatisfied with where I am. In fact, the current status quo isn't too bad if I compare myself to some of my peers. But research may not be my cup of tea and i am not going to let protocols and rules to limit my potential to explore my options. Let see how much leeway is the institution is going to concede this time. If it does not drown me, then I get to live another day to test more water.

I sent in my applications.

fireflies

I sat in my cubicle; staring at the moniter. The output of the simulations was running up and down my screen like some screen saver that had gone crazy. I wonder if the prolonged staring at these black and white flickering will trigger some sort of epileptic fit or acute muscle spasm (You know like how flashes of light or strong glaring spotlights can sometimes cause people to have chemical imbalance and to go into convulsion). I hope it does not happen to me. I who spend most of my awake hours in front of the computer certainly do not want that as a occupational hazard. I peeled my tired eyes away from the screen and took a glance around the lab. The whole place was dark and quiet and I was starting to feel a little self conscious. Sitting in the only lighted cubicle in the dark lab, I feel like a theater star on a dark stage under a spotlight. Maybe I should just jump onto the table and start singing. I mused at a thought for a while and dropped it almost immediately. I still had work to do and went back to staring at my scrolling screen.

Suddenly, the lights in the whole lab came on! The room was filled with the song Firefly by Owl City and the florescence lights start to flicker on and off. The whole lab's lighting was synchronized to the beat of the song. Then nearing the end of the opening tune right when the words are about to be sang, my lab mates began pouring into the lab from both doors. Grooving and dancing to the rhythm of the song, they sang,"You would not believe your eyes if 10 million fireflies lit up the whole when you sleep.... " Mesmerized, I sat up. I have a flash mob style dancing in my own lab! (Similar to the one at Raffles City last month). Then, the printer started printing, the model helicopters started hovering and the mechanical arm inside the safety box started waving.

I must be hallucinating.

I blinked. Suddenly, there were no dancing researchers. No tune in the air. No waving mechanical arm. No disco like lights. I was alone again in my lighted cubicle. I surmised. I can suggest a new interrogation technique to the police; make suspects stare at my simulation outputs. Within hours they will hallucinate and pour out every dark secrets. Huh. I do better pack and go home now. You know you are working too hard when you see dancing researchers. Dammit, I becoming like Ally Mcbeal with her dancing baby.

Wogashaka wogashaka.