I lamented about how I have spent 2 years in France without picking up any useful phrases. Then one day out of the blue voila! my fellow french intern Cedric sent me the following email.
"Ok guys, now you should learn a few basics in the underground french language called "Argot". I hope you'll enjoy it ;)
so let's start with the very basic words:
-une femme (a woman): belette, gonzesse, greluche, grognasse, meuf, nana, gazelle, ...
-faire l'amour (having sex): baiser, niquer, sauter, forniquer, troncher, tringler, limer, fourrer, ...
-les testicules (man's balls): couilles, burnes, boules, pruneaux d'Agen (Agen's prunes : Agen is a city, very famous for prunes that grow there), bijoux de famille (family's jewelry), roubignolles, valseuses, coucougnettes,...
-l'anus (anus): fion, oignon (onion), rondelle (slice), trou de balle (bullet's hole)
but the most funny thing in french are probably the expressions:
1) Egoutter le colosse (to drain the colossus) : to jack off
2) Faire pleurer le cyclope (to make the cyclop crying) : to jack off
3) Se secouer le poireau (to shake the leek) : to jack off
4) Se branler : to jack off
5) La branlette : the jacking off activity, but it is also used to say that an activity you're doing is very relax/lazy (working here, it's la branlette) ^^
6) Se toucher la bite (to touch oneself dick) : to jack off, but also used to say "I'm lazy lah" (in french : je me touche la bite!)
7) Rouler une pelle (to roll a shovel) : to snog
8) Ca me troue le cul (it makes a hole in my ass) : used to say "this is astonishing/incredible/..."
9) Chier dans la colle (to shit in the glue) : to exaggerate, to go too far
10) Enculer les mouches (to fuck flies in the ass) : discussing interminably on details without a point (Uncle encule les mouches)
11) Chier a la gueule/Chier dans la bouche (to poop on someone's face/in someone's mouth) : to criticize someone (very) badly
12) Pourrir quelqu'un (to cause someone to rot) : to critisize someone (very) badly
13) Avoir les dents du fond qui baignent (having back teeth bathing) : having drunk too much --> being drunk
14) Peter la rondelle (to break to slice) : to sodomize
15) Tailler une pipe (to carve a pipe (the one for smoking)) : to suck off, to do a blowjob
16) Pomper le jus (to pump the juice up) : to suck off and swallow
17) Brouter le gazon (to graze the lawn) : doing a cunnilingus
18) Couler un bronze (to cast a bronze) : to shit
19) Demouler un cake (to turn out a cake) : to shit
20) Je m'en bas les couilles (I hit my balls) : I don't give a shit
21) Une couille dans le potage (a testicle in the soup) : a problem, a difficulty
22) Etre encore dans les couilles de son pere (still remaining in our own dad's balls) : not born yet
23) Avoir la tete dans le cul (having the head in the ass) : being tired or very sleepy
24) Avoir le cul borde de nouilles (having the ass filled with noodles) : being very lucky
25) Se sortir les doigts du cul (to put our fingers out of our ass) : making efforts
26) Taper dans la lune (to hit the moon) : to sodomize
27) Va te faire mettre chez les grecs (go get sodomized by the greeks) : fuck you! (greeks have the reputation to be gay, because of Antiquity stories)
28) Se tripoter la nouille (to twidle the noodle) : to jack off
29) Pisser a la raie (to pee in someone's butt crack) : to critisize someone..
30) Pisser dans un violon (to pee in a violin) : saying things that no one care about (Uncle pisse dans un violon)
There are many many others that are almost not translatable!
I hope you enjoyed ;) "
Thanks Cedric its a damn long list.
have a safe trip back to France! Bon voyage!
31.7.09
26.7.09
21.7.09
snippets
Things happened sporadically in my life. Documenting them individually is simply not practical. Each of them undeserving of a whole entry, but collectively.. So voila. Excuse my habit of not finishing my sentence, usually it means that I have not found anything smart to say and hopefully you will be able to finish it with something smart and subconsciously credit it to me.
1) Voted for an Julie to become kfc's employee of the month. Last Thursday, I dropped by kfc for dinner and Julie was there. Before you hastily conclude that Julie is some nubile young thing, NO she is not. Julie is a middle age indian lady, who takes extreme pride in her work. Perhaps older workers in the work force takes their work more seriously than their schooling counterparts. Julie seemed to be able to read my mind that evening. I don't think I look anything like a ravenous, barley drinking, cheese fries loving, 2 piece chicken eating male. Had she done population profiling before? I won't have known. But she chose the biggest chicken, asked if I wanted barley, suggested that I change my colsaw to cheese fries. There right before I sink my fangs into the chicken, I filled up the employee of the month form and dropped it into the box. There you go Julie. Hope you win.
2) I signed up as a volunteer, hoping to contribute back to the community on a weekly basis. I have not signed up offically with any non-profit organization yet, but if my commitment persevere, I would probably be with a children/ youth/ family service. These services might be easier for me to get back into the spirit of giving. I have this affinity with the elderly. With my mature looks, wicked smile and disarmingly smooth hokkien, I'm an aunty killer. However, seeing elderly working people already pulled a heart string so tight that I do not think I am able to cope with the emotional baggage. But I would really like to be a friend to the elders, when I am more mature.
my 3 saving graces.
1) Voted for an Julie to become kfc's employee of the month. Last Thursday, I dropped by kfc for dinner and Julie was there. Before you hastily conclude that Julie is some nubile young thing, NO she is not. Julie is a middle age indian lady, who takes extreme pride in her work. Perhaps older workers in the work force takes their work more seriously than their schooling counterparts. Julie seemed to be able to read my mind that evening. I don't think I look anything like a ravenous, barley drinking, cheese fries loving, 2 piece chicken eating male. Had she done population profiling before? I won't have known. But she chose the biggest chicken, asked if I wanted barley, suggested that I change my colsaw to cheese fries. There right before I sink my fangs into the chicken, I filled up the employee of the month form and dropped it into the box. There you go Julie. Hope you win.
2) I signed up as a volunteer, hoping to contribute back to the community on a weekly basis. I have not signed up offically with any non-profit organization yet, but if my commitment persevere, I would probably be with a children/ youth/ family service. These services might be easier for me to get back into the spirit of giving. I have this affinity with the elderly. With my mature looks, wicked smile and disarmingly smooth hokkien, I'm an aunty killer. However, seeing elderly working people already pulled a heart string so tight that I do not think I am able to cope with the emotional baggage. But I would really like to be a friend to the elders, when I am more mature.
my 3 saving graces.
18.7.09
ABC 之花
3) The Hot Lian of ABC market. Her petite, lithe body weaved through the crowded market and my eyes followed her from table to table. There's no shame about looking at girls, so don't judge me. She left me with a deep impression when I first ordered Fish & Chips from the Wow Wow West stall. The service was fast enough, and I didn't notice her arrival. My friends and I were gossiping about Golden Lady and muffled bedroom nosises when ... BAH! I jumped and turned my head back to see who had ambushed me from behind.
"four dollar"
I flashed a fifty.
"no change"
I tried to give her a wounded puppy look. Damn it didn't work. Perhaps I should have worked on it more. Finally, my friend offered to foot the bill for me.
*poof*
She disappeared without another word. After the satisfying meal (the portion was definitely worth the money), I got up to leave. Apparently, I got my butt to move a little too slow.
"Excuse me." Crisp English.
I swerved out of her charge and Hot Lian accelerated past me. Among ourselves, my fellow interns challenged each other to see who dare to ask her for her number. Apparently, we stood still for a little too long again and blocked the main artery of ABC market.
"Excuse me." Crip English again.
Fish and chip anyone? we can go to ABC.
"four dollar"
I flashed a fifty.
"no change"
I tried to give her a wounded puppy look. Damn it didn't work. Perhaps I should have worked on it more. Finally, my friend offered to foot the bill for me.
*poof*
She disappeared without another word. After the satisfying meal (the portion was definitely worth the money), I got up to leave. Apparently, I got my butt to move a little too slow.
"Excuse me." Crisp English.
I swerved out of her charge and Hot Lian accelerated past me. Among ourselves, my fellow interns challenged each other to see who dare to ask her for her number. Apparently, we stood still for a little too long again and blocked the main artery of ABC market.
"Excuse me." Crip English again.
Fish and chip anyone? we can go to ABC.
11.7.09
commencement '09
I attended several of my friends' commencement ceremonies. Each time they lamented the fact that I am not going to be graduating with them. Each one proud of having to have come this far since the first time we met. On the day we first meet each other, who would have known then that many years down the road, we would still be friends celebrating the milestones in each others' lives. The 10years anniversary dinners, cliche, but yet most of you turned up. The weekly soccer turned into an annual affair but everyone's still came. People would fly back from overseas and the first thing they asked was,"When is soccer?" Many of us has already hung up our hockey sticks for laptops. I bet some of you visited Bloomberg website as often as soccernet now. Some of you whom I have only first seen in army fatigues are now in corporate fatigues. Same faces different uniforms. Nonetheless, what's inside is still the same. If you dare to come for the ball under my feet, I will still break your leg.
To classes of DLSS '96, VS '00, VS NPCC 'oo, VJC 01s17, VJC Hockey '02, BMTC Scorpion Company, Combat Medics Platoon 15, BCTC, Oweek '05 '06, Ocamp, NUS ChemEngin '09..
Congrats to the class of 2009.
To classes of DLSS '96, VS '00, VS NPCC 'oo, VJC 01s17, VJC Hockey '02, BMTC Scorpion Company, Combat Medics Platoon 15, BCTC, Oweek '05 '06, Ocamp, NUS ChemEngin '09..
Congrats to the class of 2009.
7.7.09
the company
Voila! After 2weeks of work, now i am ready to spill all about The Company. Located in a secluded industrial park and ran by a former army officer, The Company is an urban secret. The staffs are kept to a minimal of 6 exclusive members. Nobody knew the working hours of The Company. First day of work, I waited outside the closed doors of The Company at 830am. I waited. I anticipated. Finally at 905am, a non discreet figure marched towards the door. Curtly, she asked for my name and my business here. Like a good new intern on my first day of work, I snapped to attention and reported my name loudly and clearly. Satisfied, she showed me to my cubicle and showed me their technology.
My desktop flickered to life, making a soft moaning sound. Then just as immediately as it started up, like a deflated balloon, the moaning stopped after a few abrupt splutters; and my desktop flashed its last breath and died. I hit fruitlessly at the keyboard, wondering if i had caused this unnatural death. Then at that moment, I met Uncle.
Small he maybe, he commanded respect like a retired Senior Warrant Officer. I was immediately put in place as the newest recruit to The Company. "So today's drinks your treat right?" Obediently, I agreed. The two days of work passed as quickly as I busied myself with iThink, a process modeling program. When I am finally competent with iThink, my secret coding knowledge was discovered. First Lady came to my cubicle and threw the 75000 lines of codes at me and said, "Decode this." I bewilderedly repeated after her,"Decode?"
"No. Debug."
My eyes wildened with hidden fear as I saw the volume of the codes. 108 classes of Java is really not a joke. But all I managed was a lousy "Wilco" and I dived headfirst into action. The next few days, I worked like a mad scientist. By the end of the week, my tear ducts went into hyperactivity, as I tried my best not to rub my red swollen eyes. The continuous scrolling up and down has led to muscular atrophy as my eye lids twitched uncontrollably. The debugging process was a torture that can be likened to the copying of 100 of pages of text by a primary school kid. When I finally, found BUG 1, I swore if I were in a bath tub then, I, like Archimedes, would have jumped out if it naked and ran into the streets shouting "Eureka" in my birthday suit.
My desktop flickered to life, making a soft moaning sound. Then just as immediately as it started up, like a deflated balloon, the moaning stopped after a few abrupt splutters; and my desktop flashed its last breath and died. I hit fruitlessly at the keyboard, wondering if i had caused this unnatural death. Then at that moment, I met Uncle.
Small he maybe, he commanded respect like a retired Senior Warrant Officer. I was immediately put in place as the newest recruit to The Company. "So today's drinks your treat right?" Obediently, I agreed. The two days of work passed as quickly as I busied myself with iThink, a process modeling program. When I am finally competent with iThink, my secret coding knowledge was discovered. First Lady came to my cubicle and threw the 75000 lines of codes at me and said, "Decode this." I bewilderedly repeated after her,"Decode?"
"No. Debug."
My eyes wildened with hidden fear as I saw the volume of the codes. 108 classes of Java is really not a joke. But all I managed was a lousy "Wilco" and I dived headfirst into action. The next few days, I worked like a mad scientist. By the end of the week, my tear ducts went into hyperactivity, as I tried my best not to rub my red swollen eyes. The continuous scrolling up and down has led to muscular atrophy as my eye lids twitched uncontrollably. The debugging process was a torture that can be likened to the copying of 100 of pages of text by a primary school kid. When I finally, found BUG 1, I swore if I were in a bath tub then, I, like Archimedes, would have jumped out if it naked and ran into the streets shouting "Eureka" in my birthday suit.
3 bugs later, I am still staring at Java Decoded. Boss threw me two books to read up on Graph Theory. Frantically, I try to understand the concepts behind Directed Weighted Graphs with Degree Constraints. I am in my current situation cos Boss said, "A good solution is never as good as a perfect solution. And I do not want a heuristic solution."
Today is Day 12. I am sipping from the cup of coffee. I am still staring at the Java Caffeinated, living up its trademark coffee logo like all good java programmer.
Today is Day 12. I am sipping from the cup of coffee. I am still staring at the Java Caffeinated, living up its trademark coffee logo like all good java programmer.
1.7.09
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