walks

Synopsis of the lives of two singaporeans. The average Singaporean girl sat across me, head bowed, eyes brows knitted staring at the small printed fonts of the recruit section of the The Straits Times. I politely requested for the remaining sections of the Straits Times. The youthful face looked up and we exchanged quick nods of acknowledgment. What I saw whispers the plight of the pressure of job seekers. It could well have been any Singaporean, except today it takes the form of a fresh graduate thrown straight into the trough of the economic turbulence.

The other person who caught my attention was the desserts vendor. Uncle was probably in his sixties, but he guarded his stall with his strong sense of ownership and cynicism. Years of meeting flicker minded customers must have helped him developed the unbelievable practicality in his business strategy. A customer came up to the stall and requested that his tapioca soup be changed to ice kachang. Uncle, already holding a bowl of tapioca soup in his hands, smiled and gave a slight tilt of the head in agreement. I was ready to make my order and take that bowl of tapioca soup. But before I can do that, Uncle has already placed the bowl of tapioca soup under the ice shaving machine. The machine roared into action, spewing out crushed ice in small white powders. He cooly added the regular toppings for ice kachang to the bowl of ex-tapioca soup. I didn't stay for the customer to reach the bottom of his ice kachang.

Uncle. You win.

animals caged animals loose

The zoo trip was surprising uplifting, spiritually. What had thought to be an errand for the family unfolded in the ways I had least expected. I woke up this morning, lethargic, wishing I can just lie in bed for the whole day with a book. Clearly, my sleep-endocrine regulation isn't functioning as normally it should. But breakfast rendezvous is breakfast with a friend, my body awake or not has to be out of the house in 5min.

So there it begins, my crazy animal day.

The first act, the breakfast panda surprise by aa seems like an appropriate prelude to the zoo trip. My brother free zoo pass apparently doubles as a free get out-of-jail card for my cousins. Going to the zoo is like home coming to them. A daytime nightmare (day-mare?) flashed across my brain as I pictured them terrorizing the animals from the free roaming side of the enclosure. However, when I reached the zoo, the children were acting just like children. They seemed to be more interested in running wild, fighting and roaring with each other than looking at the different exotic species of primates and the members of the Felidae family.

I did my part and kept a closed , i mean close, eye on them; and my other eye on the real wild animals.

"Polar bears have such long necks."-cj

"bottoms up!"-cj

"Raaawr..Yaaawn"-cj

"Stop flirting me me with your eyes."-cj

"so cute. you sure you are a cannivore?"-cj

"i take tt back."-cj

"hanging loose is one thing, but keep your pants on."-cj

"what happens when you thow butter? asked my cousin."-cj

"double trouble"-cj

"there's actually a baby hanging on to the mother."-cj

"guess who?"-cj

"白虎， 青龙到底在那里？"-cj

"a dentist's nightmare."-cj

"heads up my fellow amigos, i spy a chica."-cj

nature calls. so i went.

fin du chapitre

Living in Paris, everyday is an invitation to go out to take photos. The exquisiteness of gothic achitecture and the grandeur of the roman architecture detailed different eras telling the same shared history. The gung ho spirit of kampong boy in me made me want to catch every parisian sunset. Whether there was snow, transport strikes, exams, rain or shine, I am out there to catch the sunset. Voila, my last sunset in Ecole Supelec taken on the evening before my last paper.

"my last Parisian sunset. "-cj

paris, je t'aime.

moving on

The excitement of stepping on board the new A380, was quickly drowned by a myriad of other emotions the moment I sat down on the upper deck. The haste of the past few days has fastforward-ed my life and kept me from developing any feelings and from thinking about what this departure from France means to me. Listening to the pre-flight air safety announcements, I entered into the first dull moment giving me the time I need to replay the past few days, or better the past two years.

Not one feeling can fully express the excitement of travel, the stress of the exams, the independence, the freedom, the frustration with the parisian transport strikes, the easy banters during dinners, the long meaningful conversations in front of the world's seven wonder, the long cross borders bus rides, the lazy afternoons and ice creams at luxemburg garden, the weekly car sickness challenge as the bus make countless turns on the way to carrefour, the lazy lab partner, the comfortable silence during the early morning walks to school, the occasional Singaporean visitors, the bbq, the childhood revival in disneyland, the peaceful walks in the cemetery, the snow, the photography, the weekend tennis, the late night poker sessions and so on so forth.

This year has not exactly been one of my better years. The accumulated frustration at what life has thrown at me is wearing out my morale. Frustrated with the people around me, the school's admin, my project, the exams, my school mates. I asked myself what is all these simultaneous frustration with so many people all about? For one, my disappearing lab partner.

I did my part, expressed my wish that he will do his part, fought for him, defended him in front of the prof. In the end, he screwed himself over this time. Let's hope he gets promoted. He's still a friend and I'm not glad that justice is being served this way. The indirect consequence, I have to fill in his shoes for him, write a report and present the project by two person alone. Why can't he just put in a bit of effort and make things easier for both of us.

And when I looked around me - the apathy. "I don't care lah, just let them take care of it."."Why would I care? It's not even my business?" It has always kept me wondering why people do not want to be part of the solution. Worse are the ones who become part of the problem. When morale is rock bottom, I need space to think and re organise. I am sorry if I am not conversational, but do not take it personally. If you are not able to be a friend when I'm feeling all screwed up, please don't become my enemy. Stop judging me and give me the benefit of the doubt. I do not need you to become part of my problems too. Think about the things which I have done, asked if it has been worth my trouble and if you would have done the same for me. I doubt many people will go to that same extend I did. the two years here changed me. i can stand up myself now, and i would still offer my hand to help you up. my disappointment will be left in europe.

"not every day is sunny in paris"-cj

I looked at all the photos we took together in paris, italy, prague and all over europe. The nostalgia of the shared happiness was what I took with me back home. I look forward to seeing you all back in Singapore again.

focus

my flash of anger is over. let's focus on the task at hand.

work is sinful

On the day before exams, God decided to bless us with clear blue sky that makes it simply sinful just to stay in our rooms and study. I should be in Paris, I thought to myself. I sighed and looked at the piles of books on my table. Project reports, radio frequency, signals and communications, macroeconomics. I am starting to have second thoughts about wasting a study day in Paris. My moral cesspool sucked at willful playful heart and I started packing my books..

"the sky is always bluer during exams.."-cj

and i went out of my room to mug in the lawn. compromise..

light at the end

It stuck me that everything i do now, could be the last time i am doing it in Paris. There's the chance too that any time now could be the last time I see the people whom I see around here daily. Everything becomes so surreal.

so suddenly.

milestone

tomorrow marks my last day of lessons in Supelec. 2 more weeks till the end of exams. meanwhile, i remained trapped.

in the captivity of negativity.. i need a break from my prison.

moon

"zoom. to the moon."-cj

if only i had a camera then. i would have so easily gotten the science club Astronomy badge.