moving on

The excitement of stepping on board the new A380, was quickly drowned by a myriad of other emotions the moment I sat down on the upper deck. The haste of the past few days has fastforward-ed my life and kept me from developing any feelings and from thinking about what this departure from France means to me. Listening to the pre-flight air safety announcements, I entered into the first dull moment giving me the time I need to replay the past few days, or better the past two years.

Not one feeling can fully express the excitement of travel, the stress of the exams, the independence, the freedom, the frustration with the parisian transport strikes, the easy banters during dinners, the long meaningful conversations in front of the world's seven wonder, the long cross borders bus rides, the lazy afternoons and ice creams at luxemburg garden, the weekly car sickness challenge as the bus make countless turns on the way to carrefour, the lazy lab partner, the comfortable silence during the early morning walks to school, the occasional Singaporean visitors, the bbq, the childhood revival in disneyland, the peaceful walks in the cemetery, the snow, the photography, the weekend tennis, the late night poker sessions and so on so forth.

This year has not exactly been one of my better years. The accumulated frustration at what life has thrown at me is wearing out my morale. Frustrated with the people around me, the school's admin, my project, the exams, my school mates. I asked myself what is all these simultaneous frustration with so many people all about? For one, my disappearing lab partner.

I did my part, expressed my wish that he will do his part, fought for him, defended him in front of the prof. In the end, he screwed himself over this time. Let's hope he gets promoted. He's still a friend and I'm not glad that justice is being served this way. The indirect consequence, I have to fill in his shoes for him, write a report and present the project by two person alone. Why can't he just put in a bit of effort and make things easier for both of us.

And when I looked around me - the apathy. "I don't care lah, just let them take care of it."."Why would I care? It's not even my business?" It has always kept me wondering why people do not want to be part of the solution. Worse are the ones who become part of the problem. When morale is rock bottom, I need space to think and re organise. I am sorry if I am not conversational, but do not take it personally. If you are not able to be a friend when I'm feeling all screwed up, please don't become my enemy. Stop judging me and give me the benefit of the doubt. I do not need you to become part of my problems too. Think about the things which I have done, asked if it has been worth my trouble and if you would have done the same for me. I doubt many people will go to that same extend I did. the two years here changed me. i can stand up myself now, and i would still offer my hand to help you up. my disappointment will be left in europe.

"not every day is sunny in paris"-cj

I looked at all the photos we took together in paris, italy, prague and all over europe. The nostalgia of the shared happiness was what I took with me back home. I look forward to seeing you all back in Singapore again.