OOO

off to prague! see you next year! *muck*

versailles

The sun rays reflected off the walls of the palace of Versailles. The golden glow of the faded walls reckons that of a treasure isle in the middle of a misty ocean.

"cold. deserted." -cj

"the palace of Versailles"-cj

"marvelous mosaic marble."-cj

"golden gate oozes extravaganza."-cj

"salle 1"-cj

"salle 2"-cj

"salle 3"-cj

"salle 217"-cj

"salle 218."-cj

"hey a statue at the end of the corridor."-cj

"argh!"-cj

"hold."-cj

"armed reaction"-cj

"look left look right."-cj

"pavilion number 93"-cj

"think. let me try something."-cj
"i jump. i jump. and i jump."-cj

"*yawn** i want to go home."-cj

"waiting for our ride home."-cj

"is that beam from the sky a signal from our ride?"-cj

yar right.

space

A friend helped me say something that I had been wanting to bring up for a while. For the next few weeks, I do not have to account for other people. Just myself.

I'm finally getting some personal space of my own.

will

"Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will" - Antonio Gramsci

my eternal challenge to drive meaningful change in the face of adversity.

anchor

Recently, I sent in an application for a consulting internship in the Middle East. If successful, it would be take me another step further away from my comfort zone. Some people asked me if I am punishing myself with such a harsh decision to stay away from home and away from my family and friends for such an extended period of time. I haven't told my parents about it as I can already anticipate their resounding disapproval. It is just an application, nothing is being cast in stone yet. But the longer I stay away from home, the fewer the number of reasons I can find to go back.

Over lunch yesterday, a friend asked,"Isn't it sad for one to think about things that way you do. There is more to life than career." It was not the first time I have heard a question like this. Paraphrased differently, they all came with the same intent. Every time I hear it, I really do feel a little pathetic and pitiful. However, now, I am starting to see it from a slightly differently perspective. I could never tell if the question was asked with the kind intention of knocking some sense into a workaholic, pleading for him to get a life outside work; or with a tinge of jealousy from lesser beings with the intention to slow down their more motivated peers.

It was sad leaving Singapore for the first time. However, it didn't hurt at all the second time it happened. I was looking forward to leave.

In fact, I was glad to leave.

versailles

First Sunday of December, we grasped the golden opportunity to visit the Chateau de Versailles. It was a symbol of absolute monarchy. The pre-dawn walk down to the train station in semi darkness in a shivering 0 degree Celsius made me want to crawl into my bed again. We arrived in Versailles greeted by a misty blanket which even the morning sun couldn't clear. The extravagence and luxury of the palace was unable to shine under the grey sky. After the nth visit to a palace, the Chateau de Versailles is to me "another one of those palaces." The day passed slowly and uneventfully. I reached home tired, hungry but neutral; cos I know even if I had chosen not to go versailles, the day wouldn't have been better spent either. Photos will be in soon.

I always wonder if I could have chosen my words better.

miss paris

I was blown away by her as I watched Miss France 2009 on tv last night.

music

Much I would like to stay happy and away from cynicism, reality kicked my in the face yesterday. Downed half a bottle of wine, I spent the next half an hour standing under the shower trying to sober up. The midnight shower was not enough to clear my head; it was throbbing away like as if anger has taken a life of its own with its own a beating heart. Lying on the bed, I spend the next three sleepless hour letting negativity compound on itself. I'm wonder since when did I become such an angry and unhappy person. I got out of bed and sat of the nearest chair slowing taking control of myself. Very naturally, I switched on the keyboard in front of me and began playing the few pieces which I have learn over the past 2 months. The crystal clear notes had a calming effect. The headaches abated. The notes of on Treble Clef and Bass Clef were no longer as scary and foreign compared to when I had first started out learning. Times flies. I slept at 4am after I regained my emotional equilibrium. Peace. It doesn't change the fact that now I am convinced that nobody is going to care about me more than myself; and I meant it in a negative way. I'm currently learning this piece and I hope you would enjoy it as much as I have benefited from it.

Variations on Canon C - Arranged by George Winston



I wished I was acquainted with music earlier.

snow

"empty lot."-cj

female driver.

no cold comfort

Snow in Paris. It feels like the first time every time. Looking at the tiny white flakes fall from the sky, he marveled at the sheer number required in order to paint the whole of Paris white. He held out his hand to touch the snow flakes. They melted into small blobs of water the moment they landed on his palm. He felt a little guilty as the warmth of his palms had snuffed the life out this little bit of living magic. He redrew his hand quickly. He grimaced at the irony of how some people, like the snow, do not appreciated the warmth of an outstretched hand.

"Private Propriety"-cj

I know. I saw the sign and I kept away.

watershed

My thoughts are random, my words don't flow..

and my glass is always empty.

snow

It snowed in November. A magical finishing touch to a wonderful weekend.

resting in peace

We were literally walking among the dead as we descended the spiral stairs into the first layer of the catacombs. The underground labyrinth tells a story of the past. Its beginning as a mining ground and its strategic role in the second world war made the catacomb an important piece of french history. The entire network traces 280km and is made up of 7 layers. However, tourists are given limited access of 1.6km of the first layer which is considered safer and less likely to collapse. The humidity of the tunnel rose and our anticipation rose as the path leads us deeper underground. We talked in hushed voices as the silence became as suffocating as the thinned air; even the water droplets from the cave's ceiling could be heard.

"one of the many underground galleries" - cj

" "-cj

The whole walk lasted 45min and we were glad we are finally back on solid ground. We grabbed a quick lunch and head towards our next stop, Pere Lachaise Cemetery. The cemetery is the final resting place of hundreds of famous politicians, inventor, singer, artists and royalities. The first step into the cemetery and I couldn't help but notice the mysterious serenity that surrounds the place.

"sunset."-cj

"Oscar Wilde.
noticed the hundreds of lipsticks marks on the momument."-cj

"Edith Piaf who sang La Vie en Rose. "-cj

"chopin's." - cj

"Arman's last words : Finally Alone!" - cj

"white rose."-cj

Today I walked among past giants, whose shoes I would never be able to fit.

24

A simple celebration and it was just like another day. This same day every year, I would evaluate myself and redefine my resolutions. My self worth isn't being measured by my academic achievement, my taxable income, the number of friends and birthday wishes I have or even the size of my health insurance coverage. I myself would not be able to evaluate my self worth. So. Thanks to those you who touched my life at one point or another. Today is not only a celebration of how far I have come but also a celebration of the influence all of you have in my life. If you are proud of me, proud of being my family and friend, then you would have given me the answer to my self worth.

To a friend who called yesterday. I think "the one who has the most to offer, isn't always the one with the least self believe. Instead, she is the one with the most number of people believing in her."

Thank you.

Nathaneal - 20:11

"Bubbles of our own devising

As we go through life, we experience things that make us laugh, cry, sing, dance, brood and turn cold. While the fun experiences are the ones we enjoy, it is the sad ones that we normally remember... Humans are such melodramatic and retrospective creatures. Thus it is when we have in mind those times of pain where we create a bubble around ourselves to shield us from all that would hurt us. However, in our quest to keep ourselves safe, we have walled ourselves in too well.

Think of children, they with their bright eyes curious minds are fearless in their quests of exploration. We were once like them, till we shed our naivevity and learnt to "play safe". When we first made friends we let down our guard and expand the walls that we constructed to hide ourselves in. Amongst friends, the walls of bubbles are no longer impervious, that is why we hurt the most when the pain is dealt by a friend. Cause they are the ones that breached that wall.

As we age, there are times when we have to be alone. It is then that we find ourselves frightened and our natural urge to shore up our defences overcomes us. We build higher walls, thicker walls, walls so thick that the bubble that was once our shield becomes our prison. We cry out but our pleas are stifled, and echo endlessly within the very walls we built with our own hands, tormenting us so.

As we being to feel distanced from others, we long for the feeling when our walls allow more than just a cold breeze in. The times when friendly faces and warm embraces passed through our walls, reaching our cold interior. But trapped in our own devices we must be the ones to reach out for others are repelled by our defences and at the same time, engaged in the communion which defines our society, that which we crave for.

As we take apart our walls, stone by stone, we are constantly plagued by doubts and fears, but our yearning is both stronger and more urgent. Finally, light begins to fill the cold space, the bubble that we created. Once our eyes adjust to the glaring brightness that we have so long been absent from, we realise that there are faces beyond the light. Friends."

i know i always have your vote of confidence. thks.

critical

I read the essays written by some of my peers. Their essays impressed me with their insights on social issues. They made me realized my lack critical analysis. With the given education, I able to define and solve problems. However, I lack opinions when it comes to world issues. I read the news and am updated with what's happening around the world. And it stops there. The US presidential elections, the global recession and North Korea's closing of their borders are just pieces of news. I'm apathetic to things don't stuck too close to heart.

i need to change.

big picture

I spend the last half an hour of the paper sitting at the back of the room watching everyone around me writing fervently; putting their thoughts down on paper. The pen twirled round my finger as I concentrated on keeping it in motion. While I am still worrying about exams, some of my friends are already halfway up the corporate ladder.

I tried to visualize my future.

Where would I be 5years from now? I do not have an answer for myself. For a third of my life, I had thought I am going to become a doctor and I spent the same one third of my life working towards it. My future would have been so predictable if I had been admitted to medical school. But look at where am I now. Training to become an engineer even though I had a totally different career plan in mind. I looked at the road ahead and I know it just became more exciting. The past year had been great. The experiences, sometimes painful, had been beautiful. I'm sorry if I had given the impression that my life sucks. But upon reflection, i really have nothing to complain about. I living the dream of some people.

The two hands of the clock aligned themselves and the exam ended. I stopped pondering and handed in my paper. I flipped through it to make sure I have done all the question possible. Yup. I did all I could.

I handed in the paper with 9 of the 15 questions blank.

social responsibility

Citigroup will cut 52,000 jobs by early next year in its most dramatic move yet to restore profitability and bolster a sagging share price. The economical pulse stopped and 52,000 lives got affected.

sigh...

On my way

to my last paper..

baby's breathe

"hanging on till last remaining light."-cj

The sun sets on one side of the world and rises on the other. one more day till i can start breathing normally again. last paper.

Dear sister

happy birthday.

breathe

Nearing midnight, I was still fretting over the morale crushing 2hr past year paper; after having worked on it for the past 3.5 hrs. I managed to draw the some sadistic humor from the ironic happenstance that though I usually prided myself on my work efficiency, I am hapless when it comes to solving the Optimization problems. The mammoth effort required for the matrix manipulation is like making my mind perform contortionist acts and doing mental gymnastics while at it.

Needed a breather.

I took a peek outside my window looking at nothing in particular. The world outside's black and a cold wind sent a chill down my spine. I was suddenly swept by pangs of loneliness. We are physically together, but everyone is leading their own life. This reminded of how my social circle have slowly devolved from the "you get my back and i get yours"to the "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours." How long more before I outlive my usefulness?

I guess cynicism has caught up with age.

punishing

The reason why thankless tasks are so hard to perform is plainly because they are unappreciated and totally depend on the kindness of the individual. Please do not make it any more difficult by putting on a face.

you are gg through a bad patch. granted.

Feynman's Problem Solving Algorithm

When I saw this algorithm on a friend's msn, it got me wondering what could this universal algorithm be? This algorithm was developed by Richard Feynman, the youngest scientist on the Manhattan Project. I wondered if he had applied this algorithm to the nuclear bomb project. Now, whenever I come across a complex problem , I follow the Feynman's Problem Solving Algorithm.

The Feynman Problem-Solving Algorithm:
(1) Write down the problem
(2) Think very hard
(3) Write down the answer

see how the greatest minds on earth approach a problem.

Exam

the time of the year when the school is out to prove that you ought to still remain in school because you haven't learn enough.

im feeling the adrenaline rush again.

i vote

"SINGAPORE may have a non-Chinese prime minister one day but that is unlikely to happen any time soon, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong said on Saturday, four days after Americans elected their first black president."

since when did we ever vote for a PM? then again, we already have our non chinese president, long before US even began their presidential elections. but the world didn't seem to care.

Of Science and Lisa.

By Toby Sterling, Associated Press

"AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) —The mysterious half-smile that has intrigued viewers of the Mona Lisa for centuries isn't really that difficult to interpret, Dutch researchers said Thursday.

She was smiling because she was happy —83 percent happy, to be exact, according to scientists from the University of Amsterdam.

The result showed the painting's famous subject was 83 percent happy, 9 percent disgusted, 6 percent fearful and 2 percent angry. She was less than 1 percent neutral, and not at all surprised. The software isn't designed to register subtle emotions. So it couldn't detect the hint of sexual suggestion or disdain many have read into Mona Lisa's eyes.

"It's always fun to apply technology to areas of public interest, and sometimes you can come up with results that are very illuminating,'' he said.

"It's hocus pocus, not serious science,'' Wayman said. "But it's good for a laugh, and it doesn't hurt anybody.""

i'm 26% happy, 13% sad, 2% amused and 69% neutral.

closed doors

Isolation is not the best way to cope with unhappiness. Sadness and Anger breed upon themselves. The jealous feeling you have of the cheerfulness of the world outside may actually be the lesser of 2 evils.

let us in.

52 :46

no surprise who won the US elections.

sweet

when people are out to crucify you. drown them out with your undying enthusiasm. show them how happy you are. some people are just out to make life difficult for you. I see this as the trials and tribulations that I have to go through as character building.

I put up with my daily share of childish people too.

to my friend

by Enya


"who can say where the road goes
where the day flows, only time

and who can say if your love grows
as your heart shows, only time

who can say why your heart sighs
as your love flies, only time

and who can say why your heart cries
when your love lies, only time

who can say when the roads meet
that they might beat, in your heart

and who can say when the day sleeps
if the night keeps, all your heart

night keeps, all your heart

who can say if your love grows
as your heart shows, only time

and who can say where the road goes
where the day flows, only time

who knows, only time..
who knows, only time.."

I'm shocked by the abruptness of the news. but time heals.

laundry

oh the considerateness of some people.. how can you take out my laundry from the dryer when it is still damp.

and there's still 15min left on the clock.

make money

"for those people who haven't found a direction in life yet."-cj

Start small by first setting up your own Ah Long Pte Ltd..

business plan

Frustrating, the lack of motivation i see in some of the group members. No opinions. No initiative. No group cohesion. I blame myself for my inability to manage the group, their lack of interest and the halfhearted manner in the way they presented the business plan. What a joke it would be if people from the other group found out the fact that I have no idea how my last group member looked like until the day from the presentation. It is not like as if I hadn't tried. Email was a one sided communication channel. Unexplained absences from the several group meetings. Every meeting, we re-enact among ourselves the "Who is Thibaud?" followed by "Finding Thibaud?" scenes. Earlier, Thibaud had written to me describing his passion for the 'Product to Service' topic, it made me want to laugh at myself whenever I give him the benefit of the doubt for his absence from our discussions. Worse, there's more than one group member who caught the Thibaud syndrome in my group. How can we function with only half the group (the asians and africans) turning up for meeting each time? Me being me would have presented the slides myself, if not for the fact that my language competency isn't up to the mark. Sometimes, I am almost convinced that people do not want to cooperate and work with us not because we are incompetent, but because we are asian. Cultural integration becomes much harder when a handful of misfits takes away what the rest of the school is trying to achieve.

"failure has a compounding effect.
laugh it off.
and start behaving like a winner."-cj

Tmr is a new day. Let's begin it with a tabula rasa..

Socrates

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

breakfast

Toasted bread with ham and egg, anyone?

I

Sometimes I'm grateful to know how screw up a person I am. At least knowing that, I do not have to try very hard to look for explanations to expound my failings in several aspects of my life. I constantly try to identify myself through my success and hide my shortcomings behind my CV. I do not hold a bitterness towards life, but certainly I'm not enjoying myself like I feel I should be. Turning 24 soon, I have developed the cynicism equivalent of a 60 year old war veteran. I cant expect everyone to love me as much as I love myself. I was told that I should lower my expectations, cut everyone some slack and meet them halfway. Maybe i will be able to see the world in a better light. Try and make everyone's happiness my happiness.

In my whole-world-evolved-me paragraph, I wrote a total of 30 'I's , 'me's and 'my's. Let's hope by the time I get back, I can make everything about you.

psychoanalysis

He entered the room, switched off the lights and lowered the blinds. Without saying a word, he picked up a chalk and scratched out an equation. "Chia. You are an engineer, you are good in mathematics. Try and solve this one." I took the chalk from his hand and stared at the board - helpless. Wide eyed, I waited to be shame. Maybe I'm not cut out to become a psycho analyzer. Kindly, he continued, "To be able to understand fully the realm of psychoanalysis, you have to first be able to make sense of this equation."

[(R-R1)^gamma] /angle (65 rad) + girls = castration

Once you are able to grasp the concept behind the equation, you will be able to solve the next equation.

Florence Nightingale + Empire State Building + King Kong = ?

I'm dense. I'm not able to see the rationale behind both equations. But did you managed to guess that the answer is still Castration?

material

What is 10 times lighter but potentially 500 times stronger than steel?

It's none other than. Buckypaper.

print your own heart

Here is a breaking news. Research are being done with an Epson printer, you cannot now print out a 3D structure of your heart. The idea is for the printer to drop cells one by one into the right spots and repeats the process for many layers, it creates a 3D organ. This totally change the rules of the game for organ transplant. And Japanese scientist Makoto Nakamura is the rain maker.

Straits Times article.

the geek inherits the world.

孟子曰：

「天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行拂乱其所为，所以动心忍性，增益其所不能。」

我何德何能...

psychoanalysis

Dear aa, I am just not capable of squeezing what we do in psychoanalysis class into the small comment box. Thus, I hope this entry would allow me to fully express my utter disdain for the module. Let me start by giving you an idea of what i had thought the class would be like. So that when i put the ideal against the reality in juxtaposition, you can imagine my shock at how the class turned out.

Psychoanalysis, I had read, involved Freudian theory. The ego, the superego and the id; and how together they help an individual resolve his inner conflicts. Sigmund Freud's study of the body's defence mechanism and the unconscious mind helped in the development of related areas like psychotherapy, anger management, peer pressure , social norms and etc. interesting isn't it.

The lesson began interestingly enough. He touched on how analysis done during hypnosis actually conforms to the social norms and beliefs of the hypnotist. Thus, is not an unbiaised study of the unconscious mind. He touch on how dream interpretation is actually a branch of psychoanalysis. How the mind tried to protect itself by allowing the bad things to only manifest itself as subtle symbols in our dreams. The crux of the dream analysis is actually the study of the fringe symbols rather than the obvious happenings in the dream.

Then..

"So do you know what is the explanation for you dreaming about yourself writing in your dream?", he asked.
"No", the class responded in unison.
"You are thinking of sex. The pen is a symbol of the p*nis. The ink is you know what. The act of staining the sheets with ink is, in fact, sex.", he concluded.

goodness. He continued..

"Do you know what does the door symbolise?", he asked.
Me being quick as I am, caught on really fast. "It's a symbol of the vag*na."
"Yes and n0. If the door is hinged on one side, meaning you have to swing it open to either the left and right, it might not be a representation of the vag*na. However, if the door is hinged on both sides and opens from the center, then it is what you think it is.", he replied beaming.

omg.. He moved on to the topic of hypnosis..

"Do you know that during hypnosis, most women admitted to being sexually abused by their father? However, this doesn't mean that they are actually being abused. Instead, it could mean that they have a little Electra complex. Same goes for the boys and Oedipus complex."

This left my jaw hanging. How apt to hire a quack to conduct a class on psychoanalysis; brainwashing us with his perverted ideology.

Damn i still have to spend the next 6 Wednesday afternoons with him.

theater

I went for a language themed class - Theater. What I was expecting was to go in to the class, sit down and listen passively to the teacher who will talk about The Arts. The first step into the class and i had to double check the classroom number. Earlier, I came from a class with the tutor calling us "The P*nis Club" as there wasn't a single female in the Psychoanalysis class. So I was a little taken aback when i stepped into a classroom with only girls huddling around the teacher (the small handful of guys were late). The whole class hushed when i stepped in (probably a little disappointed to find out that the first guy to step into the class is an asian). Nonetheless, I was thrilled. The rest of the guys streamed in only after the lesson has begun.

First activity - the usual oral self introduction was unusually quick. The prof ushered in the next activity with a Bang. She got the whole class to form a circle and we started playing ice breaker games.. the same type as the ones you would expect to play during orientation with equally spffy names like "Catch the ball", "Three Claps" and etc etc. Then it sunk in. This is an acting class.

I'm glad that I do not have to sit through long lectures on the evolution of the Stage. All I need to do to pass is to do what I do best.

Talk.

misconstruction

I have been answering several question evolving around how is it like to be back in Paris. It definitely isn't what I have told some of you guys. To clear the air, my life here no where near having "abundance of drugs, booze and meaningless sex". Damn. I wonder who ever gave you guys the idea that I actually lead such a hedonistic lifestyle. If I'm ever on a high, it is probably from endorphin, adrenaline and not drugs. If I'm ever caught between sheets, chances are they are sheets of exam papers and not bedsheets. Life is light years from hedonistic and a step from hermetic. How is my life here?

"the road ahead.."-cj

lonely.

no luck

damn. it just seems like this is just not my year.. yet.

variable change

In the movie 21, we encountered the Monty Hall problem.

"Suppose you're on a game show, and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, goats. You pick a door, say No. 1, and the host, who knows what's behind the doors, opens another door, say No. 3, which has a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to pick door No. 2?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice?"

What is the right choice to make? What is your choice? Answer.

right foot out

Come Monday, my exceptionally eventful summer holiday will be over. Even though I won't say that the past few months have been life changing, they definitely have changed my priorities. I spend a lot of my time evaluating relationships, debating with people who have values opposite to mine and reading economics books (i wonder why i hadn't considered taking it as a major).

I explore the possibility of not becoming an engineer.

H minus 7

finally a quiet moment. i reflect.

henderson wave 2

"the henderson wave." -cj

"now you know how you look to me when you talk to me."-cj

"weibin and adeline"

"*snap. im faster. *snap *snap"-cj

"youan"-cj

"C for Chia JunYong"-cj

"happy huijin :) "-cj

"aamandaa."-cj

"no nice photos of henry. so anything lah.."-cj

i hope i had brought as much laughter to you as you have brought to me.